Blog blog.


Kind of like this, but the digital 2.0 version.

This is not a blog about anatomy. Onward, and upward (it seems that lately, the connections I’ve featured between Robert Downey Jr. and two-toned lobsters have been featured on page two of Google image search- oh, la!), I’m only beginning to compile data for my next selection (Trig formulas? State mottos?)…

Anyway, this is a blog about other blogs. Actually, it is a blog about other forms of blogging. I started off this year with the desire to delve into the different forms of web 2.0 platforms and I’ve finally started to get my feet wet, metaphorically speaking (I can’t quite seem to shake the deep sea analogies that keep scuttling around in my brain). So far, I’ve tried 2(.0) other types of blogging. They’re great!

So, here is my sweet and lowdown on my experiences Out There, so far.


About the same time I started this (rather neglected) blog, I also started using Twitter. I’ve always loathed the status update function on Facebook, where I’ve aimed to keep my page content minimalist, but I was intrigued by the concept of “micro-blogging.” i wondered- what can you really say in few words without getting all mundane about it? Since the earliest days of essay writing, I’ve been getting back “verbose” and “wordy” in red pen all over my papers, so figuring out how to say something in 140 characters or less is daunting enough. Making it worth the tweet is even more of a challenge. (I later learned that worthy tweets are considered “value adding content” in the social networks established by following other people and having them follow you. Thanks, Mr. Tweet.)

My first few posts were pretty awkward- not very many of my friends are as keen about the new forms of social networking and communications as I am, so I didn’t really have any network into which I could twitter. If a tweet falls in the virtual forest and no one is following you, does it make a sound?

Being as I didn’t have all that much to say or people to say it to yet, I started looking outwards. Pretty soon I discovered that there were all sorts of notable people sharing little snippets of their thoughts and lives on Twitter. A few I wasn’t surprised to find: the previously discussed John Mayer has done some keen things to represent himself online, and Ashton Kutcher always seemed like a techno-savvy man as well. Some of my favorite procrastination go tos are on there as well– Funny or Die has it’s own Twitter feed, and Cute Overload also keeps it cuddly, although not very often (its birdie aesthetic also fits well with the Twitter tweeters all over the site). I’ve also expectedly come across few people who’ve proved their pop culture capital in comedy: Tina Fey Twitters (about food), Rainn Wilson generally mixes the absurd and informative with the darling in tidbits ranging from Tilda Swinton to his Bahai’i faith to his son’s darndest sayings, and Michael Ian Black argues about flying unicorns, roombas and Indian food farts.

I was more surprised to find a few notable people who I never expected to be so open with their voices online. An incredibly heart-felt and fan-friendly person I am happy to have come across is Ashton’s other half, Demi Moore, who goes by the handle of mrskutcher. Her regular tweets and twitpics about what she’s reading, or eating, thinking or watching along with her cute responses with her husband have demonstrated an admirable earnestness and interest in this new form of connectivity that has given me far more respect for an actress I otherwise knew little about beyond a few of her roles and her connection to Ashton and Kabbalism. John Cleese, who states “yes, I’m still alive” in his description is also a tweet read, and its groovy to see someone in my parent’s generation hopping on board this shiny new digital voicebox with gusto.

In the past month, I’ve come across someone amusingly imitating a twittering manatee (right up my absurd alley) and a man who is currently hitchhiking halfway around the world on the generosity and connections made through Twitter, strictly tweeting to communicate, in order to show the capabilities of the form and raise money for a great charity (check out @twitchhiker and read his bloglink on his page).

I’m finding more real-world friends on the thing, the micro-blog thoughts are coming a little easier (I just tweeted about this, btw) and I’m discovering that the burgeoning community being established by these little blurbs into the ether is rather exciting. It’s an economical way to discover new things about others, share links, and in the case of some of those celebrities, stick it to the middle man who otherwise gets paid about reporting and photographing their biznazz. I’ve heard a lot of friends tell me that they’re “weirded out” by Twitter, and I get that the semblance to status updating at first glance seems unnecessessary, but this experience has so far been so rewarding as a Get to Know You and the Stuff You Like tool that my Facebook has been gathering dust. It’s active sharing that goes beyond the passive posting and creeping we all love and loathe about sites like Facebook or MySpace.


Now to move on to another form of blogging I’ve started using that is equally as economical as Twitter (and not this long entry) in terms of content, but even more visually pleasing. I’m talking tumblogs. I don’t know how I came across this form of blog– I may have StumbledUpon tumblr– but once I saw this easy, clean way of sharing pictures, quotes, videos, and links, the scavenger in me rejoiced. For someone who has been cultivating highly developed website bookmark and image folders, as well as a YouTube account with over 500 favourites, this format of sharing is my bag, baby.

To quote the explanation given at the top of many tumblr pages (the primary tumblog platform provider I found), a tumblog is:

This is a tumblog, kinda like a blog but with short-form, mixed-media posts with stuff I like. Scroll down a bit to start reading, or a bit more to read more about me.

The site is ideal for graphic or fine artists sharing their stuff, for people with niche collections of images or information, or general lovers of beauty and juxtapositioning interesting content in a simple, effective way. I’m just standing on the tip of this magical iceberg, and only began to fill my own tumblog with some of my treasures yesterday, but I’ve come across some awesome sites so far. The quintessential tumblog (born out of one of the very first notable ones, Anarchaia) is Trivium, an ultimate minimalist tumblog that consists of entirely text posts of links that range from amusing to Web-informative. In terms of pictchas,  i will set the world on fire is a sixteen year old dude with amazing taste for images and quotes. And for those who long for the good old days when every portrait of you looked like it was from the future as imagined by a magestic pack of 1980s science-fiction designers, We Have Lasers!!!!!!!!!! should meet all your laser photo backdrop needs.

Tumblogs are my newest love, the god of my idleatry, and as an artist who likes to work primarily in collage, the a perfect electronic way to keep track of what is getting my going in a temporal way. Being able to post as much or as little as you want in such an efficient way is superb, and in terms of creating portfolios, this is the best do-it-yourself 2.0 way I’ve ever come across. I could gush more, but I have to stop and tell you you should keep trying things out, because


So, I’ve got this blog to be verbose, microblogging @Twitter to be a Chatty Cathy, and my tumblog at tumblr to work on my strong, silent, artist side. Too bad now I don’t have enough time to practice harder at being awesome. Ok, I’ve got to tweet about this again.


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fantasy phallus: an introduction


I’m ready to change my lingering-in-the-blogosphere-background ways.

Times are pretty topsy-turvy right now and what we need right now is good, inane laugh, a silly fantasy. Our culture’s under pressure, and a little relief is something welcome. Men have their fantasy football, but what about for the women? I won’t get too deep into a gendered comparison with fantasy football, because I don’t know or understand that process… but eschewing the foot variety, I’ll be discussing something nevertheless proximal to balls.  It’s the other primary thing men tend to think about– or at least with– most of the time, am I right?

Here I will fancifully imagine the aforementioned fantasy member of a range of notable, yet horribly unrepresented, who’s who of hoo hoos…  I will poke at the part that has been more or less heard about, but nary seen in cinema and popular culture (save for Jason Segel’s lengthy exposure on celluloid earlier last year). I do not dare claim to represent the fantasy of everyone, and its more of a game of association here, but I can guarantee some deep thought is being put into this veritable grab bag of bag and hammers.

I was torn between a couple comparative genres that I could start out with, but I’ve decided on something decidedly novel to begin this unusual new blog and this sure to be unique new year.  So, like most first times, I’ll start quickly. Without further ado for the First Fantasy Phallus post I bring to you:


Men used to wear codpieces, but what if what they were containing was not the codfish but rather a bi-clawed crustacion? Using an exciting collection I found at this site, Distinctly Rare and Unique Lobsters, I have found a body of material rife for bawdy body comparison. The site appropriately describes lobsters as being “active at night” but, to many men’s jealousy, “lobsters grow throughout their life,” and “the biggest lobster was caught weighing at forty-four pounds.”  Thanks to this site, I have imagined a locker’s worth of notable Davy Jones’ and dwellers of the deep…. Let’s take a deep “see” dive into this tidal pool of treasures, shall we?

First stop: JOHN MAYER


A gentleman and a scholar, this outspoken charmer is just as wont to discuss his latest expensive watch purchase as he is to muse on the nature of pop culture or his use of his ferocious underwater friend (I’ve heard rumors).  The choice of comparison when perusing these unusual arthropods was not immediately clear, however. Which Nephropidae is Mayer’s nymphatic pal?


The “rare blue lobster” might be appropriate, if his member were to correlate with his music—Wikipedia lists his genre as “Blues-rock, pop rock, blues, blue-eyed soul.” But no, as much as you’d love to imagine those sensitive yet well-crafted songs flowing from a lovely blue member, I think his lobster – and the man—is more than just his music. He takes well-composed pictures, has a knack for finding new talent, makes funny videos and has a wonderful self-awareness that he’s not afraid of hiding. A man like him doesn’t come along very often—he’s rare among the rare. Just as I assume his lobster must be.

So, the big, funny, skilled man that is Mayer, in my books, is packing the Kiwa Hirsuta in his lobster trap.


Not only was this crustateon given a Japanese name—a country that I heard John is into—but it is so rare it was given its own species family and genus. The Kiwa’s – aka the Yeti, or White Lobster’s–  “lobster ratio is one in 100 million lobsters.” (Lobster ratio should be a new quantifying factor in most choices in life, no? I digress…) While rumors point to a discrepancy between the number of sightings of this rare creature with John’s, Mayer’s ego and my appreciation of him nevertheless stand, I believe, in accordance with this lobster ratio estimation.

Moving on, we come to the man who’s so deep I think Blue Planet would have to employ James Cameron to come up with a new way to find him. Well, maybe not—he was seen in “The Shaggy Dog.” This man’s troubles makes me almost consider the Rare Blue for him. Yes, we’re talking ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

I’ve never really thought much about his downey there muscle before looking at these lobsters (hmm, what does that say about me? Don’t answer.) but when I saw this arthropod, the association was immediate. Of course, with his troubled past but nevertheless luminous abilities and charisma, Downey’s has got to be the lobster with a dark side on the outside.


The colors of this lobster—“brilliant orange” for his Oscar nominations and skills in bagging some lovely ladies, and murky, sulking green for his troubled past exploits and deep, penetrating… eyes—are perfectly half and half, which is how I imagine Downey’s arthropod operates in action: part perfect lover, and part bad boy, deviously playing with anyone who gets in his claws. I mean, look at the grip on the dark claw—there’s a reason they call him Iron Man.  I think I know who’d be boss in the aquarium, and I’d be willing to think this rare lobster won’t show up for just any Red Lobster buffet.

For my final phallus of this precious first post, I’m dipping into another realm of notable knobs—someone you might not have heard about and who I only recently discovered through the charmingly excellent device of YouTube. This is “FREZNED.”

Also known as Tom, he’s a charming Australian student (I think?) and Internet aficionado who is currently “#9 most subscribed of all time—Australia.” While this pseudo computer celebrity is so cute I feel almost abashed imagining his power cord, he has made some rather suggestive videos amongst his 100+ posts (like the one about “new jeans”—check it out.)

While his vlog set-up means I can’t see below his camera, this bloke from Down Under has got to have something wonderful down under, I’d imagine. His foppish charm and quick wit, along with his cryptic messages that I’ve never had the patience to decipher but appreciate none the less lead me to believe this mate’s claw has bite. While his self- effacing and sweet personality are disarming, this guy seems pretty confident and I hold to the statement that the sweetest honey comes from the fiercest bee. Bees, power cords… I am getting away with the metaphors. What I mean is, this guy is the Blue Spiny Lobster.


(and appropriately, a YouTube video)

Ferocious creature of the deep down under. He’s got self marketing on Web 2.0 down pat, and if he’s been using his friend’s list like a black book, I’m sure his blue spiny lobster doesn’t need to migrate anywhere—girls would come to him from around the globe.

Well, that’s all I have in me today, but think about those lobsters for yourself and see what strikes your fantasy. I’m sure you’re boiling like a pot of water just thinking of these fellow’s fellas, and I don’t blame you. As the lobster website aptly states, “our world is full of amazing and beautiful creatures.”


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